It Happens in a Blink

Listen and Feel

It's amazing. You never know what's going to happen in the next minute. You could lose a friend, fall in love, win the lottery, anything. It's not always good.

Tonight, an ex, an awesome friend, an incredible guy, Jayson, found himself in a terrible accident. He didn't deserve it, he didn't ask for it, he didn't cause it, he didn't do a thing, it just happened. Right now, as I await news, he is in a hospital. However, he IS able to respond to people and is in a right mind, as I was told. He is a good guy, but it was just a freak accident.

You never really realize how quick things can just happen. Earlier this week, one of my other friends, was involved in a car accident. He could have been gone in an instant. 

You never know what is going to happen! Ever. We have to start realizing anything can happen at any moment of the day. Just because the sun is out and shining in your life doesn't mean it is for someone else. It's crazy when you think about it. 

Tonight, I was at softball practice. Having a good time with my team, just enjoying the time on the field. A little less than 35 minutes away, tragedy had struck my friend. You just don't know.

We all need to just slow down. Take a step back and look at the big picture. We're not guaranteed an eternity on this Earth. We need to live while we can. Forgive while we can. Most importantly, love while we can. 

Jayson Michael Haynes, we're keeping you in our prayers tonight. Our hearts go out to you, your family, and your best friend, CJ Thomasson. God is with you RIGHT NOW. He is looking over you. He is taking care of your friends, family, and most importantly you. You're so strong and so tough. I know you're being a champ about all of this. We love you. Everyone loves you. I love you. CJ, you too. Keep your head up. I love you and am trying to relate to this feeling you have. You're a great guy and I want you to just remember that.

Self Worth

There are always people in the world that are going to bring you down or at least try to. These people may be strangers, neighbors, "friends", boyfriends/girlfriends, or even family members. I know I would rather a complete stranger try to bring me down. Something about people close to me telling me that I'm not good enough isn't really something I want to hear.

I'm going to try my best not to type a novel right here, but then again I make no promises. 

Sometimes people try to joke around and make fun of you or put you down, but it's not a joke to you. It cuts deep. VERY deep. I can almost guarantee some person just read that and thought "Yeah, right! Get thicker skin. Just get over it." News flash: Some people aren't as high and mighty as you. If there's one thing I absolutely cannot stand, (Well, just one. There's many others) it's when people try to act big and tell you how to live or how to deal with things. We're all different. Sometimes we just need to be heard. Not preached to. 

I've expressed myself a lot through this blog in the past few months, so I think I'll continue. Suicide. It's one of those awkward subjects no one wants to talk about. Too bad, I am. I've thought about it. Not going to lie. Why you ask? People assume because I come off cocky, because I "have it all", because I excel in sports and academics, because I try to be happy all the time, etc., that I'm an amazing wonder wall and they can fire their shots at me. No. I'm a person, I have feelings. I have thin skin. I take most things personally. It's a problem. Before you tell me to fix it, fall back. Way back. People I know and even people I don't know have said things to me that really really reaaaaally burn. -NOTE: I am not trying to be portrayed as a victim here! I'm sharing my story, so others can and will relate.- Now, back to business. I'm not saying that when someone calls me ugly I automatically want to kill myself. By no means is that what I am saying. However, when I continuously get attacked by these kind of people, it adds up. You can't just "shake it off". Not that easy.

Self worth. What this whole thing is about. I've had to remind myself, I've had to find spiritual hope, I've had to get close friends to remind me. WE ALL HAVE SELF WORTH. Self worth is a term used in psychology to reflect a person's overall evaluation or appraisal of his or her own worth. The fact that any of us could come to the solution of death by ourselves is plain awful. It happens everyday, though. I am not about to push the bible on you, just a fair warning. However, I will say, there is not a single person on this entire planet that should ever make you feel like being dead would make everyone else happier! It's not true. This is a rather drastic analogy, but remember the "Don't let them know it got to you, it'll just make them feel successful." It's true that when someone starts a rumor about you or insults you, they aren't probably looking to try to kill you, but they are looking for you to be upset. If you sacrifice your own life you are just saying "Hey. You won. Deuces." I know for a fact, it's not worth it.

I guess you could say I have had my fair share of problems in the self worth department. I've been pushed down and kicked around while I'm down. And ya know, it always seems like that hand reaching to help you up is the one that'll shove you back down later. My advice on this problem: Figure out what it is you can do that will make you feel better. Obviously, mine is typing. Find yours. Singing? Shooting hoops? Running? It's out there. Find it and make yourself whole again. On your own, with no help. It's possible. I promise.